August 2008


I’m hungry… again.  This is going to get old pretty quickly.  Maybe I’ll make a salad.

… yah that helped.  For now.

I am looking forward to my next OB appointment.  It’s nerve racking to not know what’s going on with the baby.  Is everything ok in there?  I don’t have any physical signs indicating otherwise, however it’s still something that bounces around in the back of my mind.

This weekend we’re having a garage sale.  It’s going to happen.  I pray that everything gets sold.  Everything.  No more boxes in the living room, kitchen, or even my office!  There will be clear floor space, clear garage space.  Oh my gosh, I’m not going to know what to do with myself!  Yes – I really am that excited.

School is going well.  I enjoy all of my classes so far.  English will be a breeze, especially the first half.  I had a short discussion with the instructor today.  He was surprised to see me in this class (perhaps I should have taken the placement test?) and complimented me on my writing.  I love that.  I called Mark on my way home and expressed what I sucker I am for compliments/praise.  S.U.C.K.E.R all the way.  It can’t just be random or having to do with things I don’t take pride in.  It has to be something that I poured myself into.

My Intro to Programming class hasn’t started yet.  I’m a bit aprehensive about that one.  Lucky for me my husband is a very willing tutor.

All in all, things are going well.

Before the Law
by Franz Kafka

Before the law sits a gatekeeper.  To this gatekeeper comes a man from the country who asks to gain entry into the law.  But the gatekeeper says that he cannot grant him entry at the moment.  The man thinks about it and then asks if he will be allowed to come in later on.  “It is possible,” says the gatekeeper, “but not now.”  At the moment the gate to the law stands open, as always, and the gatekeeper walks to the side, so the man bends over in order to see through the gate into the inside.  When the gatekeeper notices that, he laughs and says: “If it tempts you so much, try it in spite of my prohibition.  But take note: I am powerful. And I am only the most lowly gatekeeper.  But from room to room stand gatekeepers, each more powerful than the other.  I can’t endure even one glimpse of the third.”  The man from the country has not expected such difficulties: the law should always be accessible for everyone, he thinks, but as he now looks more closely at the gatekeeper in his fur coat, at his large pointed nose and his long, thin, black Tartar’s beard, he decides that it would be better to wait until he gets permission to go inside.  The gatekeeper gives him a stool and allows him to sit down at the side in front of the gate.  There he sits for days and years.  He makes many attempts to be let in, and he wears the gatekeeper out with his requests.  The gatekeeper often interrogates him briefly, questioning him about his homeland and many other things, but they are indifferent questions, the kind great men put, and at the end he always tells him once more that he cannot let him inside yet.  The man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, spends everything, no matter how valuable, to win over the gatekeeper.  The latter takes it all but, as he does so, says, “I am taking this only so that you do not think you have failed to do anything.”  During the many years the man observes the gatekeeper almost continuously.  He forgets the other gatekeepers, and this one seems to him the only obstacle for entry into the law.  He curses the unlucky circumstance, in the first years thoughtlessly and out loud, later, as he grows old, he still mumbles to himself.  He becomes childish and, since in the long years studying the gatekeeper he has come to know the fleas in his fur collar, he even asks the fleas to help him persuade the gatekeeper.  Finally his eyesight grows weak, and he does not know whether things are really darker around him or whether his eyes are merely deceiving him.  But he recognizes now in the darkness an illumination which breaks inextinguishably out of the gateway to the law.  Now he no longer has much time to live.  Before his death he gathers in his head all his experiences of the entire time up into one question which he has not yet put to the gatekeeper.  He waves to him, since he can no longer lift up his stiffening body.  The gatekeeper has to bend way down to him, for the great difference has changed things to the disadvantage of the man. “What do you still want to know, then?” asks the gatekeeper. “You are insatiable.”  “Everyone strives after the law,” says the man, “so how is that in these many years no one except me has requested entry?”  The gatekeeper sees that the man is already dying and, in order to reach his diminishing sense of hearing, he shouts at him, “Here no one else can gain entry, since this entrance was assigned only to you.  I’m going now to close it.”

I am so proud of my husband this evening.  There was an accident down the street, a truck went into the corner house’s yard (luckily not into the house, although there may be some exterior damage).  He heard it, ran outside.  The driver was injured and walking away from the scene.  Mark walked with him, talking him down (he wasn’t in his right mind).  Eventually brought him back to the site by which time the Fire Department had shown up.  At one point the driver pulled a knife and started cutting himself… my husband didn’t falter.

The way he deals with “heavy” situations is one of the things I love about him.  When I told him how proud I was of him, he shrugged and said “it’s what you’re supposed to do”.  What he doesn’t get, is that most people still don’t do it – supposed to or not.

The best way to learn something (for me) is to poke around it with a purpose.  It’s been years since I’ve used Joomla and PEOPLE Festival has a lil site built on it.  I am now pretty comfortable with the administrative panel for a variety of tasks and am now interested in learning how to setup Joomla from scratch and theme it to fit the site’s design.  Maybe I’ll try it with Gospel Light Temple’s site, so that when they finally do get some content together it will be easy for their current webmaster to add it in.

If I’m going to learn Joomla, I suppose I should learn EE as well.  Especially considering one of my oldest and biggest clients is integrating more and more EE functionality.  I can navigate the administrative panel well enough, but to learn the ins and outs would be nice.

Today I attended Freelance Bootcamp in Santa Cruz.  It was a good event for it’s type.  BarCamp style it provided an opportunity for local freelancers to interface with each other and discuss the issues that we all run into.  What I took away from it was the reminder that a lot of business people are in difficult places of “lost” when it comes to thinks that I am accustomed to.

I have recently been working with non profits and am stunned (although not surprised, because I suppose I already knew it) how confused they are, railroaded, and walked on when it comes to “technology”.  This includes their office networking all the way to website and print work.  I’m mulling over developing a branch of Kogent to reach out to these non profits and help in this difficult area.  First I’d like to do some research… calling a few NP and seeing if what I’m experiencing is true across the board or only in certian size or organizations.  I recieved positive responses from the NP’s I discussed this with today.

It would make my work more fullfilling.  Which is always a good thing.

In baby news – our lil’ one is growing.  According to BabyCenter’s weekly emails, we now have a lime. A LIME!  I’m not sure how I feel about this.  Not even born yet and already growing too fast!

Friday Mom and I went to Babies R Us to start the shopping.  I found a funiture set that I adore.  Mom was ready to write a check on the spot, but I told her wait – breathe.  We need to shop around and make sure this is the right one and the best price.

On a side note, Mark and I had an icky fight about some design differences for the nursery.  It makes me happy that we resolved it the same day and we did it pretty well.  He’s a good guy.  I wish I could remember that when I dislike him so.

Some time ago I was “adopted” by my friend’s family.  It’s been years and I don’t see them nearly as much as I would like, but they are still my extended family and I love them dearly.  “Mom” wants grandkids badly… so she’s quite happy that I’m workin’ on one for her.  I knew she would be, but after some email exchanges this evening I am amused and reminded how much I adore her.  I sent the baby news to them via email with a picture of the ultrasound (as many of you were informed the same way).  Her first words?  “Congratulations.  When do I get to hold the baby?”.  I couldn’t stop laughing.

Oi.  What a day.  I think we’ve spent almost 10K today.  Maintenance on my car was a small portion.  The largest is the sewer line being replaced from the house to the main.  They originally were not going to have to dig up the street… but turns out they have to.  So that’s going to be – more.  I don’t know how much yet.  Ugh.

I could think of better ways to spend money.

Mom came with me for another ultrasound today.  It was wonderful having her there – she was so excited.  So much so that she couldn’t sleep last night and kept waking up every hour!  I love my Mom.  The baby was moving around quite a bit (again), so she got to watch from all different angles.  It’s just incredible to think that little tiny life is inside of me.  As we’re watching the monitor and the baby is moving (arching it’s back, bouncing up and down, wiggling)… I can’t feel a thing.  It’s so odd to have that disconnect.  I’m sure if this activty level keeps up thru the pregnancy, I will be longing for these days when I can’t feel it all the time!

It really is a beautiful thing.  So much more than I ever thought.

Today we told the world.  Emails went out to family and friends with the latest ultrasound pictures.  It’s great to finally tell!  I feel like I’ve been hiding a dirty little secret from everyone and it’s been such a pain!

What a day.

One more week and the duct tape is gone.  Can’t wait.  It’s going to be fun to be out in the open about everything.

Today is Mark and I’s 3 year anniversary.  THREE YEARS.  It’s pretty – amazing.  Amazing that we’ve made it that long.  Amazing what God has taught us.  We still have such a long way to go.  There are so many differences between us, but as long as the glue is there – we can figure the rest out.  Tonight we are celebrating with Coldstone and some time together.  Both of which I am very excited for.  It will be nice to have a quiet evening with my husband away from -everything- that’s been in our heads lately.  It’ll all still be there, but at least it will be pushed aside for a while.

There’s more possibilities of change on the horizon, including moving.  There’s things in the works with our landlords which may or may not require us to move sometime in the near future.  If it does, I will laugh just because I put it together with our thought that after this year is over we were open to take off according to where God leads us!  Well… maybe this is something having to do with all of that.  Hum.  Wait with wings spread.

They say these things happen during the first year of marriage…

… only we’re going on three this month (gosh! In just four days).  My dear sweet husband covered some dished with dishsoap and left them in the sink.  So that, when they made their way to the dishwasher, they released their time sensitive “bomb”.  Mom and I had a good laugh cleaning up the suds while Mark hid in the living room with his video game.

… and they wonder why I want girls.