mundane echo

We have an obsession with our roots.  Where did we come from?  All the way down to Creation.  It’s as if in order to define ourselves and move forward, we must understand our past.

It was a random thought that I was going to continue on… but I started writing this about a week ago and never got around to finishing.  All well.

Some things that I wanted to “record”.  A couple of weeks ago I tried giving Nomes a bottle (with breastmilk, of course).  She took it, looked a little shocked when milk came out and then drank it right up.  I could just imagine her going… “oh new binky.  Oh! binky with milk. sweeeet.” ha ha!  So it has been a huge relief in the evenings to be able to fall back on a bottle when my breasts are empty and sore, but the baby is still hungry.  Last night I gave her an ouce or so off the bottle before bed and then awoke at 4am full and leaking a bit.  So I pumped 4.5 ouces and then split it into 2 storage bags.  I think this will work out just fine.

Memorial Day.  We went over to M&F’s for a great get together with 4 other people.  It was lovely.  Nomes, Nomes was awesome.  Why?  Because one time while nursing, she unlatched looked at me, smiled and then latched back on.  She repeated it one or two more times before unlatching, LAUGHING and then latching back on.  It was the cutest thing ever!

The downside is that she is continuing to do the unlatch – relatch thing.  Or she’ll try to turn her head to look while still attached!  Owie.

I wrote this last week… but it didn’t post because WP was being funky.  So here it is:

Whew.  Time keeps on tickin’ tickin’ tickin’ and it’s already been 13 weeks since my body was ripped open and a little person popped out.  Funny how it might as well be another lifetime at this point.  My body is healed, the pain is forgotten, and my daughter is incredible.

She’s hanging on to things.  She has been working up to laughing, usually just a shout, but this evening it actually sounded like laughter.  It makes every little bit of me explode to listen to her “talk”, to see her smile directly at me.  I find it difficult to remember life without her.  She has filled in so many gapping holes, I can’t believe I lived this long so incomplete.

In some ways I find it difficult to adapt to this new role.  Going for a long walk, to the beach, to the mall… that’s actually part of my job now.  It’s not slacking off.  It’s finding ways to teach Naomi, expand her world, and keep her safe.  I am not able to sit down at the computer for hours and “work”.  She requires attention. More and more attention (ha! Just wait until she gets mobile yah?).  This is something completely different from any position I’ve held to date!

We’ve had visitors from out of state and country staying with us for the past week.  It’s been a whirlwind week, and I hate to see them go.  My friends are dear to me, and a blessing.  There are only a handful of people who I feel comfortable with.  No guards, shields, or defenses.  Just me.  Just them.  I will miss them when they leave.

I haven’t had much time to write and I miss it.  Even now, I need to be walking out the door to take my sister in law to the airport…

… to be continued.

eventually…

Nomes grabs stuff.  She doesn’t necessarily grab AT stuff, but she grabs and hangs on.  I love it.  It’s just another little thing that makes me realize that she’s growing and growing and growing.  She’s beautiful.  She smiles at me and it highlights my day.  She cries and my body aches to sooth her (even if my mind is spent and wants to run away!).  Motherhood is an interesting mix of me, instincts, and the changes in me which are developing.

We have some out of town visitors for the week.  Out of state and out of country.  It’s funny.  The Canadian girl has a slight accent that makes me smile.  She’s gentle and inquisitive.  Enjoyable company for sure.

Saturday we went into SF.  Nomes’ first big trip.  The diaper bag was heavy with all the “just in case” items, which included a good 40 diapers.  Don’t worry, I’m exaggerating… just a little bit.  It was a lovely day.  The wind kicked up, cutting the heat and making for a great day on the Pier.  A quick trip to the bridge.  It’s nice to have tourists, I don’t frequent some places enough without them.

Recently Mark and I made a decision.  It’s one that I flip flop between confidence, fear, trepidation. and antisipation.  I don’t know if it’s a god decision, but it does leave my life – yet again – in God’s hands.  Trusting that He knows the best course of action for us.

I’m sleepy and unsure if I’m making sense, so I think it’s time to hit the bed.  Night y’ll.

Today we purchased a Baby Bjorn.  It seems to be the evil side of baby wearing, for some reason, and I gave in.  The position is exactly where Nomes likes to be.  So we’ll see how it works out.  I’m sure I’ll use the sling or wrap again, just not for another month or so.  Right now, she’s just not diggin’ ‘em.

She’s grabbing things.  Not exactly reaching and grabbing, but if it’s close enough… she’ll wrap her fingers around it.  It’s adorable.  She hangs on to our shirts or the cord on sweatshirts.  Her tiny beautiful fingers.

Life is crazy.  Busy.  There’s always a million things on my task list and not enough time to do them.  My SIL has been coming over to baby sit, which is a HUGE help.  Just having someone watch her, even while she’s sleeping, allows me the freedom to catch up on a myrid of items.

My baby afgan has been put on hold for something smaller.  I’m making a hat.  I need something with a close FO.  Sometimes that small sense of victory can make a huge difference in other parts of my life.

About a week ago, Naomi exploded.  Somehow, despite my constant supervision, she grew up.  Not all the way, mind you, but enough that my jaw dropped. I can’t believe how big she is.  How aware.  How she’s a full on baby, no longer a newborn or an infant.  It really does go so fast.  There’s so much development happening to/in her right now – that nearly every day something changes.

I think she does it while I’m sleeping.  Those few moments I do sleep!

We’ve scheduled her 3 month portraits.  I had planned on doing New Mommy/Newborn portrits… but like I said, time’s gone by very quickly!  I’m adding it to my list of “next time” which is also going to be used to help pregnant friends.  I’ve got a list of “must haves, etc”.  I want to be pregnant again, luckily I have friends who are and can live vicariously through them.  At this point, it really would be masochistic to do that to myself so early!

It’s a busy week.  I still have a backlog of work for my clients.  Two of which I am going to need to approch on my knees groveling apologies for my lack of communication and follow through.  They are both patient clients and understand I’ve got a little one, but I don’t want to abuse that and use it as a procrastination tool.  Which means… I shouldn’t be writing this entry, heh.  I have to put down some of my thoughts before they tumble out forever.

Thankfully, there’s cameras and video cameras to help a lil’bit with that.