She was dancing last night.  4am.  My baby’s a party girl.

Yesterday was our first birthing class.  Fun.  I like the group of parents that are there.  Particularly V&J, they just seem like really fun people.  I didn’t learn anything new, but Mark was able to pick up some specific information.  After the class he seemed more interested and talkative about the baby and pregnancy than he has been.  I was hoping for that, but at the same time it frustrated me…. I could ramble about it, but I’m going to spare you.

Today’s piorities are – HOMEWORK.  I am incredibly behind in my classes and I need to spend some time today getting caught up.  It’s difficult because school is not a piority to me right now.  I’m done and moved on.  I want to focus on getting myself, the baby, the house, the nursery, etc.  Not school.  Although, being in perinatal Friday was a great reminder.  I want to be in medical.

 

in the cradle

I woke up the middle of the night and laid my hand on my belly.  It woke me up more.  I was startled by how BIG it’s getting!  The transision from my belly to my lower pelvis is smooth and curved when I’m laying down.  It was – weird.  Great and all that, but weird!  According to Baby Center the kid is going through a growth spurt this week and the next few weeks.  So we should see some more interesting changes.

I just put the connection together between Shiela’s part yand the baby.  It’ll be a fun night, as always.  This time there will be a whole bunch of family touching my belly.  Am I ready for that? ha ha.  It’ll be lovely.

I’m 18 weeks (give or take a few days).  EIGHT-TEEN-WEEKS!  Oh my gosh.  This is going so quickly already.  How is it that something can go so slow, and so fast at the same time?  We have so much work to do.  This weekend has to be commited to homework (outside of garage sales this morning and Sheila’s party this evening!).  I have a section of my Speech project due Monday – that’s the biggest and first due.  After that is some items for CSCI.  Enough listing… this weekend is homework, next week I have to buckle down and focus on getting that garge either cleaned out or better originzed.  We are going to have to store Mark’s studio equiptment for the time being.

Oh Kogent.  I have Kogent work to do this weekend as well.  Right.  Enough listing.  I’ll have a panic attack.

I can’t sleep.  I generally wake up anytime after 1 or 2am.  The night before last I worke up at 2:40am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 5am.  This morning I was off and on all morning until I gave up at 5:16am and got up.  What the heck is up with this?

To buy the bedding now or wait?  It’s only a few months until the shower, but what if the design is no longer available then?  I wouldn’t be so concerned except I haven’t found another set that I like as much as this one.  What should I do?

 

G R’US

I find myself surrounded by the “geeks”.  Probably because I sit in the Cafe with my laptop plugged into one of the few available power outlets.  Power outlets seem to be meeting points.  Geeks are comfortable to me, so I’m ok with this.  They tend to be pretty real in their informal/relaxed interactions, even if they are still odd or awakward.  It’s almost peaceful.  Perhaps just because it’s familiar, heh.  I’m really amused by their conversation.

Lately I’ve been more myself than I’ve been all year.  Comfortable with human interaction, for the most part. It’s nice.  I’ve been wearing makeup and making an effort into my appearance.  Granted, not hours of flat irons and hair spray, but generally a bit more than rolling out of bed and putting on clothing.

Today is school school and more school.  Followed by homework.  I have a project to finish this weekend for Speech (one of those self reflective things) and needs to start working on a new project for Photoshop.  I’m looking forward to both, and dreading both!  Mostly because they are so time consuming.  I also have to start working on a paper for English.  Sorry if my listing is dull, it helps to lay it out with my finger tips.  It helps me remember.

Mark decided that I’ve been nesting since we were married and he’s a bit nervous to see what the pregnancy induced nesting is like.

Tomorrow we get to see the baby.  I’m so hyper focused!

 

some names are off limits

to do to do to do to do.  There’s always a list, isn’t there.  The rest of this evening involves doing laundry and some housework.  I’m done with homework and am thinking about skipping my English class in the morning.  I’m a bit bored by our current discussions.  I know it’s all to help with the paper (which I need to get to work on), but I’m ready to move on.  The piece (Before the Law, Kafka) is interesting, to be sure.  I’m just talked out on it.

My husband had an interview today, and it looks like he’ll be getting an offer in the morning.  They offered a nice package, however the position is something which he wasn’t looking for.  It might work out, depending on the title and a few other things.  He’ll make a choice in the morning.  I gave him a high-five for getting a soft offer two business days after being laid off.  Pretty impressive.

Intro to Programming class started today.  My teacher is quirky and funny.  I wasn’t sure about contining the class because of my work load, but she has me intrigued.  I might change it to a C/NC option.  Actually, yes.  That sounds like a great idea.  Then I won’t be as concerned.  Another bonus is that the book we’re using is the new 2nd edition.  She’s fine if we use the 1st edition – which half the cost of the 2nd edition.  Whoohoo!

Thursday is our next prenatal appointment.  Count down.  I just hope we’ll be able to see the gender on the 30th.  It’s so early!  Keep your fingers, and toes, crossed!

Today Mom found a name she liked.  Harry.  Then she thought about it.  Harry Carey.  Um no.  Our poor white irish child would be blue & black.

Poor kid.

Lessee.. what else did I need to get out of my head?  Sunday Mark and I drove down the cost.  It was WONDERFUL getting out of the house (out of the area) on such a beautiful day.  It was a good day.  We needed one of those.  We enjoyed each other’s company and even stopped at Pie Ranch.  Oh yes… they had pies.  Mark was being good and didn’t have ANYTHING!  Party pooper.  I gave into a tiny lil’ version of their walnut loveliness.  It was everything I hoped for.  I’m getting hungry just thinking about it!

 

by the time I write the title, I’m hungry again

I’m hungry… again.  This is going to get old pretty quickly.  Maybe I’ll make a salad.

… yah that helped.  For now.

I am looking forward to my next OB appointment.  It’s nerve racking to not know what’s going on with the baby.  Is everything ok in there?  I don’t have any physical signs indicating otherwise, however it’s still something that bounces around in the back of my mind.

This weekend we’re having a garage sale.  It’s going to happen.  I pray that everything gets sold.  Everything.  No more boxes in the living room, kitchen, or even my office!  There will be clear floor space, clear garage space.  Oh my gosh, I’m not going to know what to do with myself!  Yes – I really am that excited.

School is going well.  I enjoy all of my classes so far.  English will be a breeze, especially the first half.  I had a short discussion with the instructor today.  He was surprised to see me in this class (perhaps I should have taken the placement test?) and complimented me on my writing.  I love that.  I called Mark on my way home and expressed what I sucker I am for compliments/praise.  S.U.C.K.E.R all the way.  It can’t just be random or having to do with things I don’t take pride in.  It has to be something that I poured myself into.

My Intro to Programming class hasn’t started yet.  I’m a bit aprehensive about that one.  Lucky for me my husband is a very willing tutor.

All in all, things are going well.

 

stolen

A few minutes which I don’t have today.  A lot on my mind…

This morning I’ve been considering the differences between a nurse and a doctor.  It started with the realization that I could persue medical school.  If I wanted, I could do it.  That’s a bit insane for me, considering my typical, hum, avenues.  I could go into nursing and then pursue a PhD.   Although, I don’t know how realistic that would be with work and family.

The opportunity to work as a student researcher for my previous English instructor is still on the table.  I tend to dive into whatever and wherever I am, so chances are next year I’ll be enthused about education administration again.

I could go to medical school.  Just the thought of that – brings this elation.  I’m not sure what to do with it.

I found an OB/GYN in Fremont.  It’s a practice so if I don’t like one doctor I can see another without any trouble with insurance.  Fremont is a distance, but not too far.  I feel good about this decision.  Life can continue, heh.

I have a 13 page paper to write this afternoon on my family’s health history.  I really should be doing that right about now.

Perhaps after lunch…

 

guilt

I am wasting a few minutes. I don’t have them to waste, but – yah.

My husband has been particularly nice the past few days.  It’s odd.  I don’t think he reads this thing, which makes me appreciate his actions even more.  Not something that would be pegged overtly romantic, but simple gestures and words which clam that growing ache.  Example… he twittered that “[my] smile does wonders”.  Hum.  It’s nice.

Answer to prayer?  I better get on my knees now to ensure God keeps hittin’ him over the head with whatever 2×4 works best.  I could get addicted to this substance.  Abuse it until there’s nothing but a dependency.

In other news – I have so much to do for school!  Today and tomorrow I need to finish my paper (yah, haven’t done that yet), put together a video of my chatting in ASL for 5 minutes, study, study, study.  Next Wednesday I’m finished.  It happened so fast!

Chabot is offering a new ASL class called Service Learning.  Basicly you work for credit at CSFD as a teacher’s aid.  I’m excited to be free labor!  Perhaps it’s something I can do over the summer… I’ll have to inquire.  Most likely it’s only Spring & Fall.

Ok.  Enough minutes wasted.  Off to work I go.

 

2.0

“Sometimes you feel more like a girlfriend than a wife.”

Hum.  This just isn’t settling with me this evening.  Normally I don’t mind comments in that direction, especially since they are true.  Frequently he feels like a good friend rather than a husband.   Something is bothering me tonight.

I think it’s a mismash of things.  I read the article regarding L’s Dad and that furthered the dive which was itching at the fringe of my emotions.  Of course his untimely passing stirs up a few memories.  Enough that I want to shut down.  Sleep for a while.  Crawl into that place where it’s difficult to get out of bed.  Difficult to move.  After all – what’s the point anyways?

The good thing about this place is that I can think rather clearly.  In some ways clinical.  It’s a good place to make choices which are generally too emotional to address.

Tomorrow is busy.  I’ll be up early to get ready, take Mark to BART, stop by Davie’s birthday party, head to my instructor’s office to discuss my paper, and meet with a college counselor to discuss my considered directions with school.  I’ve ruled out anything computer based.  I know I could do it.  I know I have the mind for it.  I don’t want it.  To sit behind a desk, even one at home – I just don’t know if that would be good for me.  It appeals to some part of me.  Luckily, not enough.   People, sunlight.  These are things I require to maintain good social and mental health.  Without the sun, the darkness comes in too quickly.  Too strong.  Too much.

Education and medicine both allow for me to have a productive life, where I am contributing to “community”, and also fulfilling myself.  More over, I will have a skill that may be useful to the Lord’s work.  That must be a priority to me.

Maybe I need to be a wife in his eyes for these things to change.  Maybe girlfriend is simply not enough to spawn the fire which is needed to push forward.

 

sing unto the lord a new song

Oakley home prices have tanked.  I’d be curious to see how many of these “cheap” houses are foreclosures or short sales.  Looking at that area, I’m getting a better understanding of how all of this is effecting the economy on a large scale.  I suppose I needed to see something a bit closer to home than just reading about it.

Yesterday I was witness to Madison’s birth.  Wow – that’s all I can sum it up as.  Intense, amazing, beautiful.  Those all work as well, but do not capture the entirety of the experience.  It was -

 

a blessing.  <em>She</em> is a blessing.

 

Reminded me how well I do with “blood and guts” and put another notch on the pro side of pursuing nursing.  I made an appointment to speak with a different counselor.  If she’s anything like the last woman, I will stop her and force her to slow down and talk to me!  My first appointment was a whirl wind where she shoved papers in my arms and kicked me out the door.  The gal I’m meeting with next week heads up the “Women in Transition” classes, so she should be perfect.

I am almost finished registering for the Fall semester.  I have 12 credits/units registered and am considering adding one more.  Fifteen may be too much.  Intro to computer programming, ASL 2, English 1A, and intercultural communications.

My latest yearnings are leaning towards nursing or education.  While design and programming interest me.. I just don’t know that I want to go that route.  I could take some course work in those fields to see if I have a knack for them or not.  That’s the beauty of a JC.

I spoke with a client today who is too large for us to handle with his current needs.  I thought I could manage the project and run it through independent developers, but it’s just not working out.  With their particular situation it makes more sense to have a team of developers and/or an in-house guy.  My perfect setup for them is an in-house “lead” who can then coordinate resources as needed to complete the project.  So we’re doing that.  We will develop a job description, post it, and interview for them.  Once we narrow down the canidates I will send them to my client for the final selection.  From there we will work with the newbie to get him/her settled, do an info drop.  Wahla.  I will still be on board for graphic design, but let someone else take the lead on development.

It’s difficult for me to go this route.  I’m learning how to accept my limitations and to recognize the areas I need growth in.  Whether that be in my skills or in my resources.  Even in personal growth.  The latter is always difficult. Mirrors are painful.

Two weeks and one day.  I will be finished with the semester and on a plane to Portland.  I will try not to burry my nose in a book for the entire trip, but New Moon and Eclipse (Stephanie Meyer) are calling my name.  I finished Twilight within 24 hours… I could pull a marathon and read these two stright through.. and still have two days to enjoy the Pacific Northwest.  Very tempting.

Seeing my family is always enjoyable.  There is a peace there.  A beauty in relationships that are safe.

Relationships.  I learned some interesting things from Mr. Campbell this evening about relationships and Christ.  Things I need to chew on for a bit.

hum.

 

let the sunshine

May is always a busy month.  This year is no exception.  The next four days will be spent putting the house back together, celebrating Mother’s Day, and working on my paper.  The rest of the month feels full, although most of it is volentary rather than required – which is good.  Finals are coming up and I think I’ll be fine.

Summer session, I was considering Eng 1A but the more I think about it, the more I want to take ASL.  It’s summer, and it would be nice to enjoy it without having a month of insanity.  Not to mention, with things coming along with the house… it would be nice to focus on that while the weather is beautiful.  Additionally, that will allow me to take the advanced ASL course in the fall, which is nice.  It will be enjoyable to get to that point.

Alright.  Now, back to work.